I survived my first weekend with the Kitchen Purge! I have not stepped one toe into a grocery store in well over a week. Only six more days to go. I can do this. I’ve got this!

I admit. I did have one close call. As my Master Kitchen Purge Meal List did not include things such as dog food or laundry detergent, as is Murphy’s law, I ran out of both. Damn you Murphy. I’ve always said we have way too many laws.

This was a true crisis. I know myself and I know if I were to have stepped into the grocery store for JUST dog food and laundry detergent, $300 and a U-Haul later, it would have been an epic fail of mass proportion. I was vehemently racking my brain for a solution when my sweet Hass says, “Why don’t we just run up to Dollar General?” Dollar General! That was it!! There would be NO temptation of fresh produce or choice meats here. I can absolutely control myself amid the aisles and aisles of cheap toys and zero thread count underwear!  My Hass is so smart. He’s in fact, a genius. Off to the Dollar General!

I was feeling beyond super confident at this point, patting myself on the back for staying on track and not caving under the immense pressure of a bare refrigerator and sparse pantry. We walked in and I knew to head straight for the back to the laundry detergent.

It took all of two seconds to realize I was in trouble. MAJOR. TROUBLE. My tummy felt queasy, my head started spinning in Exorcist fashion and my heart began to pound visibly through my shirt. So. Woozy! All of the blood rushed to my brain and I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think! WHAT IN THE BLAZIN’ HELL!? Is this for real? Dollar General had…REMODELED! They had FOOD. And I mean GOOD food! I was surely ten seconds from face planting right in the middle of the freshly painted, sliding front door.

GONE were the aisles and aisles of cheap toys, transparent underwear and T-shirts with photos of Honey Boo Boo Gone Wild! They had been replaced with beautiful, heavenly rows of mixes and sauces and pastas and PEANUT BUTTER POP TARTS! OMG. Just OMG. I never knew there even was such a thing! And don’t get me started on the freezer section. I had chills. It lit up in grand fashion as I approached as if the food angels were calling to me. I had been rendered defenseless by the upgrade of a Dollar Store! It was terrible and this was all HASS’s FAULT!!

I regained my composure as best I could, screeching for us to run for the door! Do not grab a buggy I told myself. I felt like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. We had to get out! Get out NOW!!! Hass looked at me as if I had three heads. He encouraged me to just close my eyes, take deep breaths and go straight to the truck. I did as instructed as my brain had ceased function on it’s own immediately following the sighting of the peanut butter pop tarts.

Hass got in the truck with the detergent. How he made it out with one item is beyond me. It is a true miracle we survived.  We did however forget the dog food, and as I was already utterly traumatized, I was NOT leaving the house for anything short of an Atom bomb explosion. Suffice it to say our pup had two peanut butter sandwiches for dinner. Scratch off the last jar of peanut butter from the master purge list. Six. More. Days.

Beer Battered Reuben Wontons with Homemade Thousand Island Dressing

Ingredients:

• 1 package wonton wrappers
• 1 pound sliced lean deli roast beef, shredded
• 1 diced bell pepper
• 1 diced onion
• 1 can sauerkraut, drained
• 1 tbsp. caraway seed
• 1 package grated Horseradish Cheddar – Swiss can be substituted
• 1 cup lager beer
• 1 cup flour
• 5 lightly beaten eggs
• 2 cups Panko
• Olive Oil

Thousand Island Dressing

• 1 cup mayo
• 2 tbsp. ketchup
• 1 tbsp. vinegar
• 2 tsp. sugar
• 1 heaping tbsp. dill pickle relish
• 1 tbsp. grated onion
• Salt & pepper to taste

         

Directions:

In a large skillet, saute onions and bell pepper in oil until caramelized. Add salt & pepper to taste. Add Caraway seed, roast beef and sauerkraut. Add cheese. Set aside.

Place wonton wrapper on a non stick surface. Brush with water. Place 1 tbsp. mixture into the center of each wonton. Top with a second wonton wrapper and press all sides to seal. Repeat until all wrappers or filling is used. Save remaining wrappers and/or filling for other recipes.

Mix beer and egg. Dredge each filled wonton first in flour, then in egg and beer mixture, then coat with panko. Place on a greased baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes at 425 or until golden brown.

Thousand Island:

Blend all ingredients well and cover to refrigerate.

Life is too short to eat ugly food y’all.